My College Experience Part one

Hello all I was talking to someone the other day about going back to college and saying she love and how I hated and she asked  why ? I then  realised all though I have touched on it before I never really told about my college experience so I thought I would share it with you all today . This will be two parts as it long story ! So I best crack on !

So I was 16 I had cried for to two hours about not getting the gcse results I wanted but I was set I was going to college then uni and I was going to be IT teacher and that was that . However as you can probably guess it quite turn out like that .  So the day came and went of to enrolment I wasn't allowed to all the courses I wanted to  but most of them I was so it all good . My first month of college wasn't that bad as I remember I went to college with a lot of my friends from high school. Which was new experience because I was the only from primary school that went to my high school but I did have my sister then . Anyway the first month not a problem I was stressed as it was an adjustment but I was ok then October hit and I had my first panic attack . I remember it like it was yesterday I  was in my business class and  the teacher asked me question and I simply just said I cant do this any more and walked out . I couldn't breath there was someone  sat on my chest squashing me the teacher came out we talked he told my tutor and nothing more was said .

Then I was behind in my IT classes and the teacher pulled a side and was talking to me about the fact I was behind and I remember exact words to this day . She said me you behind your in college now and I heard about about you walking out of your class and having a tantrum .I said I wasn't have tantrum I was having a panic attack she just brushed off . It was the first time I  had said out loud and I was shaking at this point because in way I had admitted I was struggling . By this point my high school friends had all made friends of there own . I was just left behind struggling spending lot of time in the library trying to catch up and deal with what was going on. It all just got worse from there I started having panic attack every single day and passing out and being sent home . The only person that seemed to understand or care was my sociology teacher . She told me that I was Ok and that would be Ok the worst that would happen was I would pass out.  Now you may think not every comforting but when you feel like your going to dye it really is . So we got to march after many trips to the doctors trying lots of drugs to see if they would help.My mum and I decided I would drop out and get job I had a job over Christmas and I was fine.  Now I am going to leave it there for now as it get rather long post but I will do part two and tell you the rest of my story hope you enjoy this post and it helped you .

How was your college experience ?

bye guys

oxoxoxoxoxo

Rain days, Bedtime and Anxiety

Hello all I know this is a random title but I am just going discuss some things that have happing at the moment .

         

So lets start with the weather I am surprised I am not swimming round my streets we have so much rain recently. So it looks winter is finialy here although I would rather have rain than snow I don't appreciate  getting wet at 7 in the morning as I head of to work .But it not too bad although rain is not my favourite I do find rainy days really cosy and almost comforting as weird as that may sound .

The bedtime and anxiety go together up until recently I have only have anxiety attacks during the day I have never had a problem at night apart the occasional anxious dream . Now all of a sudden  I am waking up in the middle of the night with them 2 am being the favourite to for one to arise .  So I am so tired all the time mainly because of this some of being I am addicted to gossip girl. But its a  vicious circle like any from of anxiety I have done some research and I though I would share some it in case any of you are going through this .

So from what I have read nocturnal panic attacks are quite common with people who suffer with panic disorder with about 70% of people experiencing them . According to what I have read unlike a night mare is more likely to happen in the later stages of sleep. Panic attacks are more like to happen in the early stages which when you think about makes sense . They say the best way to deal with them is to full wake your self up before going back to sleep and do boring tasks but not read or watch tv . It all quite interesting to read about just not go thought as any of you that suffer know.

Have any of you experienced this let me know?

bye guys 

oxoxoxoxo 

Going back to the original plan

Hey guys sorry I have not been blogging but I have uber busy with work and my Gran passed away on sunday so as you can imagine  blogging has not been my first thought.

Today I am going to talk to you about  something I have been thinking about for a while going back to my original plan . My original plan was going to college and head off yo university unfortunately due to my anxiety at the time that didn't happen but know I am older and I have control of it and I am settled in to a job I  love I am thinking of going back to college as an adult to finish what I started and maybe go to uni as was the plan. 

There is only one problem with this plan that is will it make my anxiety bad again as I think was the college environment that caused it. But then I think I am not the same person as I was then I know myself better and I have learnt a lot about my self through that experience although it was not a pleasant one. If I go back it would be to finish off my business course to then maybe go to uni and do a degree in business management which might help in the future to progress in the job I am in currently and work part time though out . 

I know I want to do it and if wasn't for anxiety and I know I could do but will that stand in my way or will it only if I let it? Life is about going forward not back right? So maybe going back is wrong ? thoughts any of you gone back to college as an adult. I want to do it I am just not sure if it is a bad move .  Thats it for this post tell me your thoughts in the comments below and will see you all soon.

bye guys
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Anxiety Awareness /Anxiety In The Workplace and Places of education

Hey guys so I know I been off here for a while but I have explained why things are so up down in this post . Today I am back to talk to you about some thing  I feel is very important and that I need to get off my chest .

picture found here 

As you all know form this post I suffer from anxiety and I have done for since the age of 14 as I have explained in the past it has presented me with many problems and many different challenges. However a lot of people are not aware of what it is and this is a problem. 

As you know if you read my last post I have started a new job and yesterday for some unknown reason I had a panic attack not as bad as others I have had and once it had pasted I was fine . But nobody had a clue what to do they just kept asking what was the matter had I been to the doctors are you on medication you need to pull yourself together. I have found this this is the  response you get at a lot of places and I think awareness needs to be raised in the work place and in places of education as this  is an  increasing thing a lot of people suffer and that doesn't make us  weird or freaks it just parts of us are body react differently to everybody else .

I don't mean that in bad way my anxiety is part of who I  am if I wasn't for that I would be who I am today. I wouldn't  be as strong as I am now I would have the confidence I have now though working and finding other people that suffer  and the huge amount of support that is out there on the internet on twitter websites blogs all there to help you . But when it comes to in workplace and colleges they have know idea what to do they just quiz on what have you tried to sort it like your two old  having a Tatum. 

Which doesn't help there needs to be some sort of awareness raised in the work place and colleges schools ect . I know it must scary to watch someone have a panic attack because it scary to go through it . But I think if people knew a bit more about what was happening and some dos and don't to deal with it things would be a lot a better .  How it works so they could understand it would makes things easer and you wouldn't have to worry as much about this thing that is made out to be a dirty little secret because nobody understands it.  

What are your thoughts this post was not planned but I really think it needed to be said because I found this problem everywhere weather it be in college or in work.

bye guys
oxoxoxoxoxo

p.s Leave me thoughts below what do you think 

The vicious circle anxiety

Hey guys so this not something I talk about a lot on the blog but  I feel it is important for to bring up this topic and tell you a little bit about what it is and how it effects me.

picture from here 

You maybe wondering why is this post called the vicious circle that because today I am going to talk to you about anxiety and panic attacks. This is something that from the age of 14 as effected on near daily basis and I want to share some advice and bit about what it is. If I ever put this post up please I appreciate how much it has taken to share this with you.

So what is anxiety it is intense feeling of uneasiness nervousness and fear well at least for me it affects people in all sorts of ways one of these is panic attacks. This is where the vicious circle part comes into play anxiety can be many thing from thoughts in your head going round and round like a cd which won't switch off to full on attacks that wake you in the middle of the night . I will but a link so you can find out more  

I started with anxiety when I was 14 although back then I didn't realise I thought I was just stressed which I was it was also more than that. It was exam time and the same thought kept going though my head I am going to fail my exams and my life will be over because with out my exams what will I do. This drove my personality to change drastically I became the girl that would walk out classrooms when there was something she didn't want to face because I felt physically sick . It drove me to self harm I am not proud of this and at time everyone told me I was silly and pull myself together but it isn't as easy as that.I then through art therapy which helped a lot . I got through my exams and off to college I went . 

I started at college and in the october had my first panic attack I thought I was dieing. A panic attack affects people in many different ways  but for me I had palpitations hyperventilation my hands locked up and I had weird feeling my chest like someone was sat on it there are my ways panic attacks affect people I will leave a link here if your interested.

This is when the vicious circle starts you start dread doing anything because you fear it may bring on a attack the thoughts fear this too between the thoughts and the attacks your anxiety can get worse. Mine did I was having attacks everyday but I got help. This is the message I am trying to send if you do suffer with anxiety is get help .You are not on your own . You will get through this they will lessen and you will learn to control it  and manage it I am someone who has got through this and can tell you it might take two years but it will happen eventually. No matter what anyone tells you this is not your fault you are not silly or a freak you are just person with anxiety like many others and you not alone go get help tell someone you will feel so much better for it. 

Thank you for reading this I know this isn't something we usually do on here but I feel it is important to make people aware I will leave a link here to the anxiety united page. Leave comments below and please be understanding to each this is not any easy thing to go thought.   

bye guys 

xoxoxoxoxox

chit chat and changes

hey guys sorry there was now blog post yesterday but it was a complicated day i am uploading a video on my you tube channel today . 

It was going be a sit down chit chatty video about changes on channel and on this blog its more on my channel than to my blog but just keep you all the the loop I thought I best post it here too. It also as a clip of my new makeup setup which I will be doing a blog post on soon.